Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
