Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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