He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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