3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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