my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
