its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
