A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
