i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
