State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
sex in a hospital.. check
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
