YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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