***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Couch. On fire.
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