I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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