The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
