I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
