Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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