I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
