I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
