I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
