I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
