Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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