beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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