her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
