I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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