If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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