i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
