She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How does one acquire holy water?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
