apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
