At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize