Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
