I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
