Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
