I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
