Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize