We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
