do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
