I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
