Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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