when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
