I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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