How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
