i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
