She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
