I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
