You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
