Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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