What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
