jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
