i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
