I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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