i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
