That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
