Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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