A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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