don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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