I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
