ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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