And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
