my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
