You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
