At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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