I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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