You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
