I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
