fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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