Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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