I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
